by Elizabeth Rummel, MA, LLP
Part of my early career work was in hospice care, where we help patients and their family members deal with the many emotional disruptions brought about by anticipatory grief. They know there is a terminal diagnosis, they experience the progressive decline in health for themself or their loved one, and they begin to do the emotional work of experiencing and ultimately resolving the pain of that loss. When an illness or an injury occurs without warning and death is immediate, there is little opportunity for processing this pain in advance of the loss. This adds to the trauma of grief and intensifies the emotions of sadness, anger, and whatever else may go along with that loss. Anticipation in itself is a process that can prepare an emotional environment, but unlike with terminal illness, anticipation is not always a helpful process.
Last week, our country held an election for president that followed many months of anticipation for its outcome. Every news outlet, all social media, television commercials, banners, billboards, and yard signs proclaimed campaign slogans representing the belief systems of the voters and voting blocs who created and espoused them. This anticipation and the constant exposure to messaging - and especially the deeply inflammatory rhetoric that existed on all sides of the campaign - served to build an emotional environment of anger, fear, frustration, exploitation, power, and weakness that the final outcome was designed to deliver upon. That the winners’ spirits were built up while the losers’ spirits were torn down is not a surprise. It is the expected result of the many months of anticipation created by a constant, prolonged, and aggressive exposure to media messaging.
There is no accountability for the content of political rhetoric - not any longer. But like in the case of a terminal illness diagnosis, there is an assumption that the anticipation of an outcome will help. However, that’s not even true with respect to anticipatory grief. In hospice care, we not only work on processing the pain of impending loss, we also work on creating moments of normalcy and everyday connection. This is because our brains are not designed to be bathed in intense emotion 24 hours a day. We need to be able to step away from these strong emotions and their sources, to allow our nervous systems a calmness and a recovery.
If you find yourself struggling in the aftermath of this year’s campaigns and the election itself, please know that we at Equip Counseling are here to help you find your calm, just as much as we can help you affirm your values, process your grief, and find ways to act in advocacy for yourself and for others. Contact us today if you are ready to do this work together.
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